A little backstory

I feel like I could write a book right now. It is such a leap for me to start a blog. I’ve considered doing it for months but have been too scared. Too scared to be honest about my struggles. Too scared for people to know what I’ve been going through. Too scared to be vulnerable. Too scared about what people might think. Too scared that people won’t understand. Too scared that people might judge me. Too scared to record my emotions. But, I’m here and I’m doing it. And, I’m doing it because there needs to be more education about infertility. You see, I’m a registered nurse and work in labor and delivery and even while working this job, I never realized how much it affected my patients and my friends. I never really understood how prevalent it is. I never really understood how hard it was. But, now I understand because I am going through it. And I want as many people to be educated about infertility as possible. I want it to no longer be taboo to discuss infertility and the struggles that accompany it. So, while I will discuss my life and my struggles with infertility through this blog, I will end each blog post with some fact about infertility. I want this blog to be more than just my thoughts and feelings. I want it to be useful and to help others learn something about this disease.

I could literally sit here and type for hours about my diagnosis, struggles, and thoughts but I’ll start with the basics. I am 27 years old and have been struggling with infertility for nearly two years. Ever since I can remember I’ve wanted to become a mom. If you’d ask me when I was a little girl what I wanted to do when I grew up I would’ve said be a mom and then a nurse. Its what I’ve always dreamed of. Once Evan got on board with having kids (we’re young, I know), we started trying. My husband and I tried to become pregnant for almost a year before we saw an OB/Gyn. After monitoring me for a little bit, they decided to do further testing and discovered that I had PCOS. PCOS is polycystic ovarian syndrome. It is a hormonal imbalance that causes enlarged ovaries with cysts surrounding the ovaries. It is a leading cause of infertility in women. When I got that diagnosis, I was shocked. This disease presents itself in obese women frequently, but not with me. I was devastated. For some reason, I always thought I might have trouble having children. It’s like I had this feeling. Sometimes I feel like I determined my fate, but I know this is not true.

Since becoming diagnosed with PCOS and thus being infertile, we have tried Clomid. (Clomid is a medication that helps to stimulate ovulation. Ovulation is necessary in order to become pregnant.) We have tried a medication called Femara (which is very similar to Clomid). We have attempted three rounds of intrauterine insemination. And now, we are on to in vitro fertilization. In vitro fertilization is the very last option for us having biological children. If this does not work, Evan and I will need to consider adoption, fostering, or surrogacy (ha! Who can afford that?). At this point in time my amazing reproductive endocrinologist (fancy name for fertility doctor) has said that my infertility is unexplained. Based upon my clinical diagnosis of PCOS, labs, and clinical picture, I should have been pregnant by now. I know God is faithful and has put me through this trial for a reason. But, the day to day is very difficult. I struggle every minute of every day. But, I feel God tugging on my heart that He is doing this for a reason and that He wants me to educate others about this devastating diagnosis. Thus, here is my blog. I have so much more to tell you, but I just wanted to paint a picture as to why I’m airing my life and struggles for the world to see. Please, if you will, educate yourselves about infertility, pray for Evan and I’s journey to become parents, and if you like follow along with me on my journey. If you also are going through infertility, I understand what you’re going through, I get how hard it is, and I want to encourage you and be there for you. This is not something that one can go through alone.

Thank you for visiting and for listening to the beginning of my story. I have so much more to tell, but that will be for a later time. And now, as promised, I leave you with some education regarding infertility.