Holidays.. The most wonderful time of the year?!

Thanksgiving just passed. It was a special one this year as some of my family came in from out of town. I saw family that I haven’t seen since my wedding. It was a great time of fellowship, laughter, and stretchy pants. Now I have Christmas to look forward to. Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday. I love everything about it. The meaning behind it, the get-togethers, the giving of gifts, the decorations, the food, EVERYTHING. But, this year, its hard to be as excited for Christmas as I usually am. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still excited, but it’s different this year. Holidays are a little different this year. Holidays are different ever since our #infertility journey began. I’m sure most other couples experiencing infertility would have to agree.

You see, I naively thought that I’d be pregnant by Christmas. I prayed that we would get pregnant on our own without any medical intervention. I figured surely our IUIs would work if it came to that. And even if the IUIs didn’t work, I thought for sure that I would have my egg retrieval and embryo transfer by Christmas. I had it all thought out as to how I’d announce our rainbow baby to our families. It would be the best Christmas ever because I would be expecting and I would be able to tell our families the good news on my favorite holiday. I had it planned out how I would announce it. I know it sounds dumb, but nevertheless, it was my hope and prayer.

In addition, holidays remind me of all my dreams of having children and a big family and enjoying those holidays with them. The pure joy on a child’s face when opening presents, explaining to them the story of Christ’s birth, dressing a baby in holiday outfits, family pictures, and just enjoying the holiday as a family. But, now, it’s a reminder that I don’t have those things. I know this makes me sound ungrateful, as I am so blessed, but I can’t help but to feel this way. I so look forward to being able to experience the holidays with a child. Most of all, OUR child.

I know I am blessed. I have a loving, understanding and forgiving God, wonderful and loving husband, incredible family, fulfilling career, stable home, and overall health and wellness. But, it’s hard to not feel a void, especially around the holidays. But, one day, when I am able to announce a pregnancy, I know it will feel that much more special. I know that I will cherish each holiday immensely once I have my own children. For now, I keep hanging on to the thoughts of the future. With all the negative pregnancy tests throughout my journey, I daily hold on to the hope of that one positive test.

 

Fact about infertility:

Of those experiencing infertility, only 3% have to undergo advanced infertility treatment such as in vitro fertilization.

 

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One thought on “Holidays.. The most wonderful time of the year?!

  1. Perhaps the thing we desire most comes on our saviors timelone&not our human one,&with His sense of humor the positive test your heart desires will come at the perfect time in your life.stay strong,relax,so many prayers in your corner.you’re never alone.love to you both&to the future babe.xxoo aunt d

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